Another year has flown by. Here’s an update on me working on self.
Theme of 2018? Bettering myself to be a better Mom for L and he can be a better version of him. How’d that go, you say?
Well, promising in the beginning. But with my best foot forward. I was consistently going to the gym. Colds prevented me from going and then stopped around March when my grandmother passed. She raised me. She molded me. I
was am shattered by her passing. The holidays are really hard this year. The gym dwindled pretty fast to nonexistent. Partially for being so distraught over my grandmother. It picked up again during the summer until about August when we went on vacation. Then back to nonexistent due to a number of things, such is life.
Next year’s goals, gym, mental health, getting off meds. How? Eating better. Making better food choices, consistent exercise (I still haven’t found what I love, love but I was enjoying what I saw at the gym, yet not motivated to go consistently. And moms like us, rarely having time to escape despite all efforts. So, I was thinking of those online, on demand gym classes. That went well for a good month but maybe I have my own ADD about working out and forget to get back to it until I remember to check the scales.🙁 clearly, I fail to be consistent so maybe being more consistent is my goal? 😏 I try to get into a routine but routines and last minute illnesses, scheduling and other things have messed up my schedule.
1.Finding more time for me in all possible ways.
2. Taking up a new hobby.
3. Making more time for others.
The last can be so tricky. I mostly have full weeks because I try to get it all done while L is in school. It frees up our weekends to be stress-free and errand-free. On the flip side, I do leave some easy errands for the weekend so that I expose L to various environments. Despite him being labeled “high-functioning” (not sure I like that term), he can get overwhelmed but not in your full-blown-meltdown type of way. He’s a delayed reaction kind of person and often times , especially of late, I fail to see his behavior is a result of what occurred before. So his hyperactivity and impulsivity, lack of listening and under or overwhelm is a result of the sensory influx when we go to the mall, pharmacy or other places I frequent when he’s at school. “When you’ve met one kid with autism,…. “you know the quote.
Now update from L with some photos:
Last year on elementary school (can you read the anxiety!?) Half way through it and it actually started off very promising. He was transitioning well with delay reactions from the school day. But he has a hard time keeping up with the back and forth, follow through, attention and focus. He is still a step behind as he has processing issues, attention issues in addition to his hearing and other things. Despite having an FM, Mini Mic and an interpreter, he has been such a hard worker and is pushing through.
Then all of a sudden things changed and fast. First, his mini mic and FM weren’t syncing to his implants. It took a good two months and me checking in weekly to see when the district audiologist can come see him. Not to mention the the DA having to talk to our Audiologist and it still took two weeks. And is ONLY synced to ONE implant. UPDATE: 1/4/19 still on ONE implant and I was told he was coming that day so he can fix it.
Then days before Thanksgiving break, I was informed by none other than my son that the interpreter will not come back. This was happening at the same time as the mini mic and FM issues so for a good month he has been without services in the inclusion class – yes I know violation.
(Image of him in his little workstation)
So that triggered an anxiety attack for Mama. And I didn’t realize it till 2 days later what was wrong with me. This is when I know I had to take an emergency anxiety pill. Thankful for that. I’m not into taking pills but sometimes , you just have to bite the bullet and pull the trigger. I felt like I was having palpitations. And Yes, it went on for two days before I realized it.
We had an IEP this December (right before Christmas break) and I’m expected to sign by my birthday (interesting birthday present right?)
There he is On Christmas Eve with his phone we got him on his birthday. Despite my objections, (I wanted to get him a smaller device like a kids watch) it has opened up his closed off world a smidge but we try to limit his time, use and contact since this is opening up many platforms, social media, the internet
can is a crazy place and we are learning as we go along that we know he doesn’t understand quite yet.
We had a quiet summer because I had some babysitting duties. It prevented me from doing our beach outings and small trips. But we also had at home therapy, which I didn’t want to cancel. We still had little outings locally like parks, pool time, nightly ice cream truck, etc. I tried as much as possible to do it super early or later in the day so I can prep dinner. So I had to stay within a good driving distance. I’ve seen him thrive with these therapies. Despite the crazy system, (more on that in a different post)
2018 was not without some sadness. I lost the person that raised me, my grandma, L’s last living great grandmother. Later in the year, we lost his last living great grandparent. We are ever so grateful to still have both sets of grandparents and bonus grandparents (ones we choose and ones related). This was a doozy because he is at an age where death is kind of hard to explain and when I explain things I’m pretty forward with it. No BS, straight to the point. So I broke it down in a way that I knew he understood. (Minus the specific and horrid/awkward questions that followed). Her body is done but her spirit lives on. (Thanking Sunday School lessons immensely).
2018 I also had a health scare and will leave it at that.
I did not put him in any camp (unless you count Camp Mom and joint Camp Parent Associations). When we would join forces and tag team the kids because we are always outnumbered and we are tired. Summers can be a challenge but I was dedicated on making it chill, fun and getting him to just roll with it (he’s so used to schedules and routine- I am always trying to shake things up a bit because THAT is LIFE! It is messy, unpredictable, chaotic and not always planned. Some people think I am a glutton for crazy/punishment but as much as I want him to be at peace with a routine and his usuals, that just isn’t realistic in the real world. I need him to be able to navigate the world knowing he can handle what life throws at him and it may not be our way but having experience is the way I believe he will learn. It’s how I learned. I never truly went on someone’s word. I always had to get my lessons through experience. Even so now, while I am still walking on this Earth, if he has a tough time, I will be able to be here when it IS or GETS hard for him versus him having to face it alone. I pray everyday with his impeccable memory to look back and see these memories from a more experienced lens and see the lessons and experiences we showed him. I would hate to have him go through anything alone. I got too much into this so I’ll discuss on another post later.
As you can see, not doing this regularly has my brain unorganized! I am rambling! I always say, “one day I’ll get it all together,” but realistically, who has it all together!? I mean really??
The years seem to go at a faster pace than before. 2018 came and went. I felt like I barely got to sit back and revel in all of its crazy – and that was one do my goals, to be more mindful and present. Horrible fail. I’m still puzzle piecing most of it together but I don’t have time to recall it all. I overheard someone talk about goals and vision boards. I would love to visualize a year ahead but I don’t have time to think a whole year. I’m trying to get through the week! Goals?! My annual goals look a bit different from everyone else’s. But hey to each their own!
Cheers to a happy, healthy, mentally stable and blessed 2019! May our kids thrive, grow and God allows us to be alive to revel in His miracles, our kids. And that we can manage to squeeze a little ME time to ourselves.
ok I do have one goal: start blogging again. (once a week?) 🙂🤞